Current mood:	nostalgic
Current music:	Blue as the Sky ♪ CHAKA

Reading Old Xanga Entries...
There is nothing more amusing than reading your own writing back when you were younger, inexperienced and thought that "u", "luv", "wuz", "anywayz", excessive use of "like", "mai" and other were all very "kewl" things to say. The horror. But I did uncover something of interest :D



"The more things change, the more they stay the same. I’m not sure who the first person was that said that- probably Shakespeare or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it’s the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw, my inability to change. I don’t think that I’m alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I get to realize it’s kind of everyone’s flaw. Staying exactly the same, for as long as possible, standing perfectly still. It feels better somehow; and if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected, who knows what other pain might be waiting out there? Chances are, it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo, choose the road already traveled and it doesn’t seem that bad- not as far as flaws go. You’re not a drug addict; you’re not killing anyone, except maybe your self a little. When we finally do change, I don’t think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion where all of a sudden we’re like this different person. I think it’s smaller than that. The kind of thing that most people wouldn’t even notice unless they look really really close, which thank god, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference, and you hope that it is, that this is the person you’ll get to be forever, that you’ll never have to change again."

Quote from Everwood, Ephram's flaw essay X3

I found this very "real life" back when I was in freshman year but I think that I appreciate this quote even more now. :3


Also, I wrote this entry back on October 21, 2004 and for the most part, the idea of friendship for me has not changed. So here:



Deep long rant straight ahead... this is your warning...

What is friendship? According to dictionary.com, it's "The quality or condition of being friends." ...that doesn't help... then what are friends? "A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts" I guess that's better...

To me, my friends are my life... If I were a flower with many elegant petals, each petal will wilt away with each friend I lost. Each lost friendship hurts... really hurts. It makes you wonder, was there anything I could do to prevent it? Did I really care for that person? Does my life seems any emptier than when that person was in my life? Instead -to put it really bluntly- people tend to go out and make new friends... but what makes friendship break apart?

A relationship with anyone -whether it be a boy/girl friend, friend or family- is a fragile thing. When i play the Sims 2, i feel like I'm in total control... but it takes FOREVER to get a Sim to be friends with another Sim... guess what? It's like that in reality too. Usually, you're closer friends with people you've known for a longer time than those you've known for less... usually. On the other hand, there are just some people who defy this process and just naturally bond as if they were Siamese twins... [exaggeration? you decide] but what could make a friendship break apart are different interests - sure opposites attract - but if you have absolutely no similar interests, what's there to talk about? its like an awkward silence will loom over you and that person... another possibility is when -you end up in an argument... someone or both parties say hurtful things and those good years or great days of friendship are gone...

I have this really good friend... thing is... I don't know if she's my friend anymore. I barely see her. We were really really close when we were younger and now... whatever bond we once had... just gone... I even had a nightmare about it... it depicted final closure of our broken friendship... she said she didn't want to be friends anymore and in my dream... I cried... it really hurts... as I'm writing this now... I'm on the verge of tears... I'm still willing to be friends with her... she doesn't know I feel this way and maybe... it's better... I'd rather not get closure than receive it... cowardly huh?

How do you get through a fight in a friendship? I don't know... I haven't been in a real big fight with any of my friends... but i guess it either takes time... or a clear explanation... but the best part definitely is making up... learning that the short or long time you guys have been "un-friends" is over. "To forgive and forget." I don't think anyone really forgets a fight they've been in with a friend... but sometimes... its fun to look back on those days you got into that fight and laugh... thinking, 'I was so immature back then.' or 'I can't believe we fought over that.' and maybe... apologize again... in your own fashion, whether it be, 'I'm sorry.' or 'I was such an ass. How did you put up with me?' ... just because...

So... what is friendship? To me... it's an indescribable magical feeling when everything is going right, a sad 'tearing-at-your-heart' feeling when everything is going wrong... but... in the end... its truly worth it. I just want all my friends to know that I would gladly give up my life for you and I will try my best to bail you out of jail [doesn't mean to actual try getting into it]! I will try my best to comfort you when you are hurt. I will listen to you when you need the most even if it means missing my favorite TV show, or wasting studying time, or watching anime...because... I love you with all my heart and each of you make me as content as I could be. Aishiteru! Saranghae! Je t'aime! I love you.

I edited very little so the grammar as well as the syntax are very poor, and for that I apologize. But if you did take the time to read it, I commend you for making it through 665 words of my mini essay on friendship. ♥ Other than that, leave me a comment on what you think my sophomore perception of friendship was and currently partially is. :3



Also, I was a complete and utter Everwood/Cardcaptor Sakura dork when I started xanga XD Twas quite sad but amusing to read. I relived some of my most interesting moments through xanga including the time that I had entered my locked room through a window with a ladder as well as spazzing about getting the Cardcaptor Sakura: The Sealed Card movie (twice). July 13th, 2004 was one of the happiest days of my life as well as June 20th, 2005 :D It's nice to remember the good old days.